Yes, Easter 2017 was just a few days ago.  And, it was hard.  I know we are celebrating the fact that we serve a living God and I am so thankful for that, I truly am.  I am keenly aware of how much I need Jesus on a moment to moment basis in my life.  But, in the spirit of sheer honesty, as that is how I roll, it was a hard day.  It seems as though the first holiday after you lose someone is the hardest {if you’re unfamiliar with me or some of my story, my father passed away in September.}  Yes, that was almost six months ago, I realize, so I don’t know if I have been buried in the pain, or the hurt or under a rock, but that realization hit me today.  Every holiday since he passed has been hard.  Easter, the hardest for me.  Why?  Because that’s “my holiday,” you know the one I host and have all of the family over for. We started that almost three years ago when we moved back “home” {at least home for me}, as well as last year, but we didn’t this year.  That might be part of the hurt too.

You might wonder why we didn’t host this year if we have done it for the past two years.  Well, simply because it was too much.  We had spring break two weeks ago, my mom and I went on our girls trip that we said we would go on as my dad was passing; so just getting home from that on top of a full week of church commitments as well as our daughter’s birthday yesterday was just too much.  Our day consisted of church {my husband was on worship team this morning, which means he was there early, so I was solo getting the kids there on time.  No small feat, mind you!} Then, my mom came over after church.  Once my husband came home, we had lunch and did an egg hunt for the kids.  We then dealt with poor behavior for most of the day.  Granted, all of those things alone would have made it a hard day, so the extra emotion of this Easter being different was just harder.   One thing I’m realizing about myself is when I am not doing well emotionally, the need to purge is very present.  So, today led to some purging.  During my purge, I found this ring.  Isn’t that interesting?

What is interesting about is that my mom, brother and I have “just breathe” tattooed on our wrists for my dad.  Since he died of IPF {idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, which affects your lungs}, we thought it was fitting to get that as a tattoo.  So, today when I found this ring that says “breathe” on it, in almost the same font as our tattoo, it took my breath away.  This ring was something I had made when I was with another company almost seven years ago!  Can you believe that?  I don’t know if that is neat or freaky?

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Last Easter, my dad and I had a great visit.  We talked about healthy food {how much he enjoyed what we made, which was shocking and a bit on the miraculous side!}  So, I suppose today I was reminiscent of that day last year. To add another layer of complexity, I am becoming keenly aware of how lonely this feeling of losing a parent is.  Unless you have gone through it, it is all quite foreign, at least it was to me.  And, it appears as though many of my friends have not had to go through this either, which I am thankful for them, that they haven’t.  This road of losing a parent/grief is interesting and no one can quite tell you what it will be like until you’ve walked down it on your own. It’s interesting to me to see how people respond when I mention my dad, or his passing or something of the like.  A lot of times there is an awkwardness and people don’t know what to do, or what to say.

So, while Easter is about celebrating the resurrection of our King, which I am so thankful for, it was still a hard day for me.  I’m grateful for the promise of eternal life and knowing we will see my dad again, and we can continue our conversation about healthy food.  Who knows, maybe we can squeeze in exercise too?

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