Today was a tough day for me.

Probably the hardest day for me, emotionally since this whole thing started. This is kind of a miracle, considering my past history with mental illness {if you don’t know, I have/had PTSD. I say “have” because I don’t think it goes away, and “had” because I’ve learned to manage it and navigate it and dance with it in a way that lets me live life fully, rather than not. That’s been a big ol’ journey, to be honest with you. And in my heart of hearts, I believe we all have some form of mental illness due to being human and living on this earth. In all honesty, the tools to empower and equip people are sorely lacking in this area, at least in my experience they were. Again, another reason why I coach, but I’m getting off track here….}

Overall, my mental and emotional health have been pretty good since this pandemic started. I may actually say great, but don’t want to be labeled as a braggart or anything, but I feel like the tools and hacks I’ve learned along the way with habits, nutrition, mindset, etc. have been lifesavers during this time. But today was another story. It was a “normal” day and nothing happened to trigger it. So there isn’t a cause that it can be attributed to.

What I do think is happening is talk of states opening up, my husband going back to work, school wrapping up and the thought of being home alone with children during the summer with no school, no camps, activities, etc. is a bit daunting to me. Thank you to the mamas who shared they feel this way as well. It’s always good to know you’re not alone, yeah? And it made me think of the moms. The moms who are where I was just a few years ago. The moms who are so overwhelmed, exhausted, depleted physically, mentally and emotionally and literally pouring from an empty cup. The moms who are screaming at their kids because all they want is some peace and quiet {and Lord knows that ain’t happenin’ now….ooof}, the moms who just want a moment to themselves, yet never seem to get it. To top it off, I was living off of sugar and diet soda to stuff my feelings and living in denial because I thought verbalizing such things would make be a “bad mom.”

My personal belief if that we live in a society that really doesn’t train up parents. There are few resources/mentors/etc for parents. I’ve looked high and low and done all I could with moms groups, etc. and still didn’t feel equipped like I wish I was. It makes me wonder during this time how many other moms feel that way, how many other moms feel like they are struggling to parent, who feel alone and isolated more so now that before this all started? I felt terribly alone and isolated on my journey from time to time, and people were allowed to be outside then! Imagine how that would feel now? Fear and isolation are powerful tools to the enemy.

Even now, we’ve all been apart from one another and when we go out in public and see each other, let’s be honest ~ it feels weird. Some people are wearing masks, some aren’t. Some people are friendly, some are not. In fact, today when I went to pick up the Wal Mart order, the clerk said that he saw someone throw a loaf of bread at his manager, then they threw a bin at him. As he was walking back to the store, the couple in the car next to us yelled at him because they had been there for 20 minutes waiting for their order. People are on edge now, as a whole it seems and we are isolated. What happens that “on edge” emerges into the public?

Is anyone concerned about a major emotional/mental health fallout ahead? And, we know how our society is with emotional/mental health. There is a stigma. Am I alone in feeling this? Do you see it too? I was feeling it today, just based on being alone with my own children for this long. OOF. The song from Chicago ~ “Hard to Say I’m Sorry,” comes to mind. {The lyrics go “Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other.”} Heck, I feel this way about my family and I love them dearly but we are all starting to get on each others last nerve it seems. Anyone relate? So what happens when you take the pent up agitation and release it to states opening back up? Mothers being home alone with their children in the summer, with no school, no camps, etc. We have all been camped out together, needing a break then it’s summer? Am I alone in these thoughts? Seriously, please comment below because I would like to know what others think. I’m wondering if we need to be advocating for/being proactive with a plan in place for those who will need support as we transition? Anyone?

As always, thanks for reading and letting me share my heart tonight.
~ Melissa

If you’re wondering what is in the mug, it was a homemade caramel brulee latte and was so good. Always happy to share the recipe if you like 🙂


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